What if I stumble, what if I fall?


These two young ladies are the most precious gifts I’ve ever received.  I am watching them grow up so fast.  Like many parents, I share the weight of not feeling like I am “doing enough” to ensure they grow up to be independent, functional adults (haha!).

Well, we are embarking on a new adventure August 1st.  They are going to begin public school at home (online).  I am both excited and terrified at the same time.  This decision has been very difficult for me.  They have had a GREAT and supportive experience and wonderful, LOVING teachers at their local elementary school.  Simultaneous to this, I have felt a strong urge, push, desire- whatever you would call it– to teach them– to be more directly involved in their learning.   Simultaneous to this, my job situation radically changed (nice way of putting it) to allow me more hours in the day to invest into them.

My background is in education, and I have often missed the classroom upon visiting the girls at their school.  I chose to go the K-12 virtual learning experience- the school is called TNVA (TN virtual academy).  I hope this will make for a more seamless experience in the the curriculum, and a way to still be involved in public school.  This is especially important if it all goes bad and I send them back to their “brick & mortar” school! Which leads me to my next point…

What if I stumble, what if I fall?  What if I make fools of us all?  Some have questioned my decision.  It’s even hard for me to explain why I feel the urge to do it.  I feel guilt for them not being back at their school this year, but I feel similar guilt in not following this urge.

What I do know:  I love to teach and facilitate activities for kids.  I teach tinkergarten at a local park and work with the kids at church.  Why would I not want to be more involved in the daily learning experience for my girls?  I look forward to see how our relationship will grow in this next year.

Yes, I am looking forward to a slower paced morning (though they will start virtual classes at 8); I am looking forward to doing our own PE at the park, riding bikes, or going on hikes; I am looking forward to teaching them piano or guitar; I am looking forward to letting them have breaks to play with the dog, or the hamsters, or the parakeets.  I am looking forward to working daily on life skills– learning about money, helping around the house, cooking class or whatever 🙂

I am worried that we will all get sick of each other.  I am worried that I will feel like I need a break.  I am worried that they will have a hard time comprehending that this is SCHOOl and they have to do it.

Nothing is final, and I am committing to this for one year.  I am hoping that it is a year which will shape all of our futures for the positive!  I welcome any and all encouragement as we start on this journey.

Songwriters Daniel Joseph and Toby McKeehan best sum up my feelings at this time:

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?


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